Headline DS #73 - Pig Farmers Fear Stigma From Flu

"Pig Farmers Fear Stigma From Flu" is from the April 29, 2009 edition of the Express. Even though this particular strain of swine flu cannot be transmitted by eating pork products of any kind, pork sales are down. It's such an unfortunate name. Come on people, pork is a tasty treat! In the words of Vincent Vega, "Bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste good!" Distributed by Tubemogul.

Headline DS #72 - Genome of Cow Mapped

"Genome of Cow Mapped" is from the April 24, 2009 edition of the Express. Now that we know the tasty gene, we can make more tasty cows! We win at science! Distributed by Tubemogul.

Headline DS #71 - Time for Twitter in Tikrit?

"Time for Twitter in Tikrit?" is from the April 23, 2009 edition of the Express. A group of internet entrepreneurs including a co-founder of twitter and representatives from Google and Yahoo are in Baghdad (yes, the mispelling bagdad is on purpose) to meet with Iraqi leadership to discuss business opportunities in what they think is a growing market. Now it may seem silly to hawk your web 2.0 in a country that can't guarantee electricity for the 5% who have internet access that's no better than modem speeds. But almost everyone in Iraq has a cell phone. The mobile web market could be potentially very profitable. Web 2.0, always looking for the quick dangerous buck. Distributed by Tubemogul.

Headline DS #70 - Torture Charges Possible

"Torture Charges Possible" is from the April 22, 2009 edition of the Express. President Obama said he would support a Congressional investigation of the interrogation tactics approved by the previous administration including the practice of water-boarding by the CIA. Thank you! It's about time they were held accountable for something. We can't fight a war on terror when we're torturing prisoners who haven't even been charged with anything. I'm hoping for an independent commission to look into this like the 911 Commission. Distributed by Tubemogul.

Headline DS #69 - Big Banks May Need More Help

"Big Banks May Need More Help" is from the April 20, 2009 edition of the Express. You know, at some point, unless we want to federalize all the failing banks, some of them are just going to have to fail. Period. Distributed by Tubemogul.

Headline DS #68 - Sending E-Mails, Texting Banned in Howard Vehicles

"Sending E-Mails, Texting Banned in Howard Vehicles" is from the April 17, 2009 edition of he Express. County workers in Howard County Maryland will no longer be able to send or receive text messages and email while driving county owned vehicles. Um... DUH! Why is it taking so long for this to be banned nation wide? Distributed by Tubemogul.

Headline DS #67 - Pirates Attack in Retaliation

"Pirates Attack in Retaliation" is from the April 16, 2009 edition of the Express. I'm still completely baffled that pirates are running around in the new millennium. Now that we've thrown down the glove, the violence on the high seas is going to escalate quickly. But until conditions in Somalia improve, which doesn't seem terribly likely, we're in for a long fight. Distributed by Tubemogul.

Headline DS #66 - KFC Gambles on the Grill

"KFC Gambles on the Grill" is from the April 15, 2009 edition of the Express. This week, KFC introduces Kentucky Grilled Chicken in an attempt to bring healthy eaters back to their restaurants. Grilled chicken may seem healthier than fried in terms of fat content. But the sodium content is still bad news for your heart. The real healthy choice is cooking your own food at home. So if you do end up grabbing some quick KGC, do it because you love the taste, not because it's good for you. Cause it's really not. Distributed by Tubemogul.

Headline DS #65 - Unemployed Flock to 'Green' Training

"Unemployed Flock to 'Green' Training" is from the April 14, 2009 edition of the Express. I think green jobs will be huge once we get over this financial hurdle. But I think even now, there's worry that two-year colleges that have added green training to their curriculum are training too many workers. Distributed by Tubemogul.

Headline DS #64 - Captive Ship Captain Saved

"Captive Ship Captain Saved" is from the April 13, 2009 edition of the Express. I'm happy for the Captain and his family that he was finally rescued. But why did it take so long? Four pirates in a dingy vs a fleet of Naval Destroyers? That's something you'd see in a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Distributed by Tubemogul.

Headline DS #63 - Obama Seeks $84B in War Funds

"Obama Seeks $84B in War Funds" is from the April 10, 2009 edition of the Express. I'm not surprised by the price. The wars in Afghanistan and Iran should be funded. But where is the money going to come from? Distributed by Tubemogul.

Headline DS #62 - Piracy Thrives in Lawless Somalia

"Piracy Thrives in Lawless Somalia" is from the April 9, 2009 edition of the Express. In the new millennium you expect certain jobs to be obsolete, door-to-door salesman, slide rule technician, pirate. But piracy is going strong in Somalia which apparently has no central government. In 2008, 42 vessels were jacked by pirates. Turns out piracy is good for the local economy as pirates spend money in the local towns. Distributed by Tubemogul.

Headline DS #61 - Ban on Photos of War Dead Ends

"Ban on Photos of War Dead Ends" is from the April 7, 2009 edition of the Express. No attempt at a cute punchline today. After 18 years, the Pentagon has lifted the ban on media releasing casket photos of returning soldiers killed over seas. The decision is now left up to the families as it always should have been. Distributed by Tubemogul.

HeadlineDS #60 - Porn Screening at UMd. Back On

"Porn Screening at UMd. Back On" is from the April 6, 2009 edition of the Express. In defiance of some at the MD State Senate, students at the University of Maryland at College Park have rented a lecture hall to screen the pirate porn movie that was canceled Saturday night. Sure, it's not the same as protesting a war. But it's good to see students standing up for porn... I mean free speech. Distributed by Tubemogul.

Healine DS #59 - UMd. Cancels Porn Movie Event

"UMd. Cancels Porn Movie Event" is from the April 3, 2009 edition of the Express. This is pretty stupid. The Maryland State Senate threatened to cut off UMD's funding if they showed a porn movie parody of Pirates of the Caribbean entitled Pirates XXX. Yes, UMD is a state run school. But it's not like they were forcing anyone to pay money for a ticket. Man, why is everyone afraid of a little skin? Okay, a lot of skin.

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Headline DS #58 - GOP Offers Up Alternative Budget

"GOP Offers Up Alternative Budget" is from the April 2, 2009 edition of the Express. Sorry guys, but eight years of tax cuts for businesses and the wealthy inspired little more than corporate greed and helped land us in the mess. Cutting taxes in the middle of a freaking war? That's pretty short sighted. Sorry GOP, no one's listening to your broken record anymore. Distributed by Tubemogul.

Headline DS #57 - GM's CEO: Bankruptcy is Possible

"GM's CEO: Bankruptcy is Possible" is from the April 1, 2009 edition of the Express. I'm kind of curious as to why the administration didn't take a similar tactic with the banking and financial industries as it has with the auto industry. Fire the CEO, give them a month to come up with a plan, threaten bankruptcy. Rinse and repeat. I guess it's too late to do the same for the financial industry, but it'd certainly feel good to see some bank CEOs get the chopping block.

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